Statements only a pet-owner would make:

Get your tail out of my coffee!

Today, I am 43. (When I make that statement, it feels as if my voice should take on serious, somber, psuedo-religous tones: Today... [dramatic pause for effect] you are a man!)

Bleech.

I have lunch with a friend, coffee with some other friends and then a massage.

As I pointed out earlier, these things have become less of an “event” and more of an attempt to have a nice, relaxing, fun day.

I heard something the other day when I was watching Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. Let me see if I can remember this correctly. Chuck Barris was talking about his life and he said there came a point in one’s life where instead thinking about what he could be, he started to look at what he might have been. That’s an ouch moment.

I haven’t reached that point yet but, each birthday makes me think how much more I need to get done.

Mundanacity, ah, I long for your secure embrace.

Many times I’ve heard people bemoan a lack of excitement in their lives, or that they’re bored.

I can honestly say as the days have passed, I find myself longing for the embrace of such boredom - excitement has proven to rarely be a good thing to have in life, generally implying a certain amount of upheaval.

I am quite happy to toil away, without much excitment but taking great pleasure in the little glorious moments of the day, they’re there - it’s often people don’t have the capacity to take notice of them.

I saw somebody I hadn’t seen in a long time the other day. During the course of talking to them, the person in question commented on how overwhelmingly busy they were, even though they hated what they were doing and felt very constrained by their abilities. It seemed as if the person felt that since they did one job, in many cases they weren’t considered seriously for other kinds of work because of people’s perceptions of them.

I know what that’s like.

The thing that struck me funny though was that although the person was supposed to be so very flush, they wanted me to pay for their entertainment. It led me to believe maybe the picture wasn’t as rosy as they portrayed (which wouldn’t surprise me).

It’s September and along with the advent of fall, there’s a bunch of people’s birthdays this months. So, happy birthday to Dean (belated), Neil (belated), Paul, Bruce, Pillet and Heidi. My own is coming up and I find as each year passes I try not so much to make it a big event as much as have a nice day.

Disclaimer - if you are a female reader of my blog, the following passage deals with the admission of behavior by men that women generally hate, if boorish male behavior offends you, don’t read it! Skip to the next entry or come back in a week or two when the thing has been bounced to the archives.

Note to self: You are over 40, your body will no longer tolerate the punishment you heaped upon it in earlier years.

So, this week was interesting in that the hurricane that had been disrupting things for the better part of the last few weeks finally abated to a certain extent. After a day of recovery, I managed to get quite a bit done on Wednesday. Thursday was a whirlwind of activity in the city. Friday is where the reminder comes in.

On Wednesday during a trip over to Port Chester I managed to drop in to Pat’s Hubba Hubba which I have mentioned previously. Pat’s is one of those places you go to at about two in the morning when your looking for something particularly foul and greasy to take your mind off the fact you’ve indulged in far more alcohol than you really should. Rather than take that trip over to Pat’s, I actually managed to get their signature chili for takeout.

Pat’s chili is something unique. It has the mark of all good tasting food that’s incredibly bad for you - the rich orange oil that oozes around it. It’s hot and somewhat greasy but, it makes a good condiment for hot dogs and fries (two other power foods in the PJ diet).

Anyway, in the middle of the afternoon on Friday, I managed to sit down and have lunch (which was the aforementioned chili dogs and fries), I don’t do it often but, I did it Friday afternoon.

Friday night it was into the city for Jack’s bachelor party. I tried to help Jack organize something - I’m not the best man or anything (his father is) but, I like Jack and I knew he wanted to do something before he got married. Here’s the rub though, over the last few years I’ve become much more of a homebody. I don’t really go out in the city anymore (not like I used to anyway) so, my memory of places to go is somewhat dated.

We started out at the Jade Lounge (which used to be the East Side Ale House). Now, the Jade Lounge is nice (actually, quite nice) but, it wasn’t what the East Side Ale House was. Anyway, during our sojourn at the East Side Ale House, it became apparent that our next stop for the evening (a topless joint) had closed at some point. It was a place Jack and I were both familiar with from our days at Grey but, I guess that’s a lot longer time ago than I realized.

In any event, maybe it’s a good sign I don’t know where there are topless bars anymore. My favorite place - Billy’s is now a bagel store - as much as I liked Rudy that’s just a crime. Well, one of the guys suggested Hooters and off we went.

Hooters was actually quite the disappointment. Contrary to what I had imagined, it was actually quite (for lack of a better word) stale. Hooters actually made me pine for the days when there was a Playboy Club up on 60th Street. Hooters is famous (among other things) for it’s wings and of course, we ordered a big plate...

...and that’s where the problem came in. I’m just not a kid anymore and I don’t have an iron gut. I didn’t chow down or anything, I had maybe four or five wings (a mixture of the hot and the medium) but, coming on top of the chili I had had earlier in the afternoon, the combination was akin to setting off an atomic bomb in my stomach which remained with me for the rest of the evening.

Combine this with what seemed to be an incredibly hot and sticky night for New York in September and I can honestly say I wasn’t a happy camper walking around the streets of New York looking for a bar to get Jack a lap dance in.

We wound up checking out three places. Put off by the cover charge of the first two, we wound up in the bar which for months I would look down on from my window at my old job. We went in and all the women were beautiful, all nude and looking to separate a fool from his money.

No alcohol though and nowhere near the ambiance of Billy’s.

Everyone bought Jack a lap dance (in some cases more than one) and by the end of the evening he had been satiated in a way only men can understand. He had the stupid, mindless grin of a man who has succumbed to his libido.

It was a good thing we wound up at the place as I think it salvaged the evening in a big way.

Me, I like looking at naked women - there I said it. I’ve liked it ever since art school (and before that I’m sure), women are just a lot of fun to watch (although, it does seem that many more women have breast jobs now than I could ever remember - it makes the ladies without the work stand out all the more).

At the end of the evening, Jack seemed pretty happy so, in that I guess it was a big success.

An illustration of how stupid fans of any sport can be: Los Angeles Dodgers fan fatally shot after game.

In other baseball news, after my last post about the cursed Yankees, Jeter stepped up and the team went on a roll (curses!). Though there never seemed to be a doubt about the Yankees making it into the post season this year, the thought they might not take the division was enough to send shivers down the spine of Yankee’s fans everywhere.

In the AL it’s looking like some combination of The Yankees, Minnesota, Seattle, Oakland and Boston. Every Yankee fan I’ve spoken to says the same thing: they could go all the way and they could just as easily get knocked out of the playoffs in the first round - neither would surprise them.

Me either.

Over the last two weeks, the Post has been doing these inserts about the Yankees celebrating their 100th anniversary. Fortunately, my own personal favorite, Don Mattingly was mentioned (second among first baseman) in a poll conducted of local sports reporters.

I was surprised Paul O’Neil didn’t make it. If you ask me, no one was more responsible for the success of the Yankees through their run than O’Neil. He was one guy who hated to lose! Not only that, he was downright scary when he got angry!

On the plus side, he played right field effortlessly. If you watched him play, he played with such a nonchalance, you rarely realized how good he was at tracking down balls, positioning himself in the outfield and getting a throw in quickly because he made it look so very easy. Bernie Williams was a better center fielder because O’Neil was his teammate.

It was also interesting Roy White is all but forgotten by Yankee’s fans. He was a mainstay of the team through the seventies and it’s like he never existed.

And, I still think Jeter is overrated.

As far as the Mets go, who’d thunk it?!?!?

The kid went down (Jose Reyes) and the next thing you know the whole complexion of the team changed as well. While they’ve been getting good pitching for the most part, just not having Reyes bat and defense (along with losing Cliff Floyd) has just taking anything that was left out of the team.

Oh, to be forced to use the Dodger fan’s lament: Wait ’til next year!

Goodbye old friend.

NASA's fingers crossed with Galileo on crash course for Jupiter, we should focus on the great successes we have had as well as dwell on our failures. Hard to believe when I was a kid this was science fiction. Check out this nice overview of the mission with Real Player. Also, take a look at the Jet Propulsion Lab’s site.

In a pickle?

Durwood Pickle is a 71-year-old grandfather who claims he's "not a computer-type person."

The article also goes further to state: The industry clearly has a problem. Just four years ago, it was a $14.6 billion business growing more than 6% a year. By last year, music shipments fell to $12.6 billion. Volume is down another 10% so far this year, according to industry estimates. While a weak economy and high CD prices may have contributed to the business' malaise, the industry sees file sharing as the major cause.

Hmmm... you wouldn’t think the weakness in sales has to do with what seems to be a lack of interesting stuff happening in music these days?

The other day, someone asked me how many people read the blog. I had to confess to him I honestly didn’t know. I had asked Margaret if there was a JavaScript or something I could put on the page to monitor hits but it all seemed confusing (and I don’t think it’s possible with the blog plan I use). I thought about upgrading the plan (so I could get traffic stats) but, I’ve got a lot else on my plate right now. I need to learn how to do that stuff anyway so, it’s just another reason to do just that. Besides, the main reason I’ve been doing the blog thing is just to get into the habit of writing regularly.

The hurricane is coming! The hurricane is coming!

We live inland so, when a hurricane arrives, I don’t really think too much of it other than that we’re in for a couple of rainy, crappy days.

Back in the eighties, Hurricane Gloria was supposed to hit Manhattan head on. It was one of those much ado about nothing days. I was driving a cab back then and it turned out to be a wet Friday where Manhattan was deserted because everyone was afraid of the storm. The most notable thing that happened was Howard Stern got fired from WNBC radio that day.

Then there was Hurricane Floyd back in ’99...



Floyd too was one of those storms that everyone got warnings about.

I know I was working in the city that day and like a lot of New Yorkers, left work early to get home before the storm hit. After a train ride where people were crammed standing the length of the car, we wound up taking a cab home from the train station in the rain (taking the grand tour of Ossining). I know we drove down to White Plains (so I could get my comics jones taken care of) and even had time for a hot dog over at the Little Spot in North White Plains. The rain would come in waves, there would be a heavy, heavy wave and then it would seem to let up.

I was worried during the drive back to the house, and when we got off the parkway in Millwood there was quite a bit of flooding (and the prerequisite dumbass driving). We made it home though and I alternately fought to keep our basement from flooding and watched an increasing number of cars get stuck in the small lake that was forming in front of the neighbors house which is downgrade from us and sits in a low point in the neighborhood.

Turned out there was about 14" of rain in just a few hours. During the battle with the torrent, I had an ongoing fight with my father (76 at the time), who insisted on going out to meet his often dinner companion for a meal even though the weather was really, really bad and getting worse.

He managed to slip away while I was busy fighting to keep our basement from flooding in the back. He returned an hour later after finding the shopping center he had been on his way to was submerged (lord only knows what the drive had been like). His dinner companion was stranded and wound up back at our house as well.

Here is where the problem came in, my father in his infinite wisdom (you cannot hear my voice laden with sarcasm), who had decided both he and his friend should go out and meet in this mess against all better judgment, now didn’t want his friend to spend the night in the house lest she get the wrong idea.

Not sleep in the same bed or anything like that, just get a foothold into the house where she might think he wanted to invite her in somehow. I wound up driving her home from our house to hers which under normal circumstances would take under 5 minutes.

It took over 45 minutes.

In that time I went around the neighborhood and saw quite a few of the neighbors houses under water. I don’t want you to get the impression people’s basements were flooded (they were), we’re talking about having problems if there wasn’t a second floor on your house. Streets were lakes (or rivers). I had never seen anything like it and around here they called it something like a 100 year event (the flood).

Down by the train station I heard a story later of someone who was driving up the hill in a minivan when there was just a wave of muddy water that descended down the street washing the person’s van along in the flow (I can’t begin to imagine how horrifying that must have been).

All I know is after weaving my way through a very circuitous route (which included going the wrong way down a major highway at one point), avoiding downed power lines and trees, I found myself in one spot driving on a road where the water was over the hood of the car. I’m still not sure how I managed to get through it all. I had to go through the water and then back as there was one point in the road where the road dipped as a bridge crossed over what in normal times would be a small brook.

I was very happy when I got home. The train was out for several days as the tracks got washed out. The thing that’s always amazing is how the people in Manhattan are so insulated from anything remotely weather related, they can’t understand when there are snowstorms or floods and how, yes, very near to the city, peoples lives are in fact affected by the weather.

Anyway, even after all that, I still take the hurricane stuff with a grain of salt. Two towns up and two towns down they didn’t have anywhere near the rain we got during Floyd so, go figure.

Puuhhhhleeeezzzeee!



This guy’s appearance is an invitation to go channel surfing. Ooooohhhh! Ladies, look at those six pack abs! I’ve known two guys my entire life that have managed the “six pack” - Paul and Jeremy (congrats boys), both basically have the same body type which lends itself to the body fat level that makes this possible for mortals. The rest of us out there come closest to the six pack if it’s made by a brewer. Even when I was working with a trainer, working out two plus hours a day, seven days a week, with a radically different diet, there was no six pack in sight. Needless to say, I despise these commercials (it’s akin to the sickening feeling most women get watching fifteen year olds shuffle down the runways of fashion week holding out their coltish bodies as the penultimate in the feminine form) - I’m anxiously awaiting the “Six-Pack” or “Physical Fitness for Dummies” book which is sure to make an appearance shortly.

I got this as a gift the other day, The Man Who Walked Between Two Towers by Mordicai Gerstein. It’s a children’s book but, it’s beautifully illustrated. It is about Philippe Petit’s tightrope walk between the then unfinished World Trade Center Towers. At the time, it was one of those events that captured the imagination and hearts of the city. While bittersweet in light of the events to come later, it’s still a wonderful tribute to Petit’s daring and at the same time a good way to remember the buildings and their place in New York City’s history.

Put me on record as to the following:

I don’t think JLo is pretty:

1.Monster-in-Law (2005)
2.Tick-Tock (2004)
3.Shall We Dance? (2004)
4.Unfinished Life, An (2004)
5.Jersey Girl (2004) (completed)
6.Gigli (2003)
7.Maid in Manhattan (2002)
8.Enough (2002)
9.Angel Eyes (2001)
10.Wedding Planner, The (2001)
11.Cell, The (2000)
12.Antz (1998) (voice)
13.Out of Sight (1998)
14.U Turn (1997)
15.Anaconda (1997)
16.Selena (1997)
17.Blood and Wine (1996)
18.Jack (1996)
19.Money Train (1995)
20.My Family (1995) (uncredited)
21."Hotel Malibu" (1994) TV Series
22."South Central" (1994) TV Series
23."Second Chances" (1993) TV Series
24.Nurses on the Line: The Crash of Flight 7 (1993) (TV)
25.My Little Girl (1986)

I think Ben Affleck is as wooden as an actor can get:

1.Surviving Christmas (2004)
2.Paycheck (2003)
3.Jersey Girl (2004)
4.Gigli (2003)
5.Daredevil (2003)
6.Third Wheel, The (2002)
7.Sum of All Fears, The (2002)
8.Changing Lanes (2002)
9.Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)
10.Daddy and Them (2001)
11.Pearl Harbor (2001)
12.Bounce (2000)
13.Joseph: King of Dreams (2000)
14.Reindeer Games (2000)
15.SNL Fanatic (2000) (TV)
16.Boiler Room (2000)
17.Dogma (1999)
18.Forces of Nature (1999)
19.200 Cigarettes (1999)
20.Shakespeare in Love (1998)
21.Armageddon (1998)
22.Phantoms (1998)
23.Good Will Hunting (1997)
24.Office Killer (1997)
25.Chasing Amy (1997)
26.Going All the Way (1997)
27.Glory Daze (1996)
28."Lifestories: Families In Crisis" (1995) TV Series
29.Mallrats (1995)
30.Body to Die for: The Aaron Henry Story, A (1994) (TV)
31."Against the Grain" (1993) TV Series
32.Dazed and Confused (1993)
33.School Ties (1992)
34.Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)
35.Daddy (1991) (TV)
36."Second Voyage of the Mimi, The" (1988) TV Series
37.Hands of a Stranger (1987) (TV)
38.Wanted: The Perfect Guy (1986) (TV)
39."Voyage of the Mimi, The" (1984) TV Series
40.Dark End of the Street, The (1981)

I don’t care if they marry each other or not and looking over the list above, they are sure not to be remembered as the Elizabeth Taylor/Richard Burton combo of this generation (and if they are, what does that say about the state of movies today).

Well, it’s officially catalog time again.

Today is the first day I received material for the fall edition of the catalogs I did back in June/July. There’s always something about the start of a project, the newness of it that’s always refreshing and exciting in its way.

Fat Man is doubling in size almost.

The goal for this go round is to do it faster, better and easier than what it took to get the last ones done (sounds like the opening for the six million dollar man). Now that the templates are built, this is actually doable.

Talk to me in four weeks and see if that’s what happened and if I achieved my goals.

That band from Letterman the other night: The Raveonettes. Check ’em out.

The week of September 11th passed. So, it will recede in memory until the next anniversary. I did want to reference the Unanswered Questions website.

It an interesting site if only because of the snippets of information it pulls in from so many disparate sources, like:

(6:00 a.m.) President Bush has just spent the night at Colony Beach and Tennis Resort on Longboat Key, Florida. Surface-to-air missiles have been placed on the roof of the resort. [Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 9/10/02] Bush wakes up around 6:00 a.m. and is preparing for his morning jog. [MSNBC, 10/27/02, New York Times, 9/16/01 (B), Telegraph, 12/16/01] A van occupied by men of Middle Eastern descent pull up to the Colony stating they have a “poolside” interview with the president. They are turned away for not having an appointment. [Longboat Observer, 9/26/01] Was this an assassination attempt modeled on the one used on Afghani leader Ahmed Massoud two days earlier? [Time, 8/4/02]

or:

(6:45 a.m.) "Approximately two hours prior to the first attack", at least two workers at the instant messaging company Odigo receive messages warning of the WTC attack. This Israeli owned company has its headquarters two blocks from the WTC. [Washington Post, 9/28/01, Ha'aretz, 9/26/01]

There’s always a lot of speculation and unsubstantiated rumors surrounding events like these and the timeline on unanswered questions is an interesting read if only for the scope of the information posted there.

Maybe it’s just my malicious nature. I came across this site and all I could think of was the fun you could have calling payphones around the city and seeing who stopped to answer them.

Just when I think the Yankees are rolling over they put a little distance between them and the competition. Of course, I wound up reading in the papers the same things I was saying about Derek Jeter, Joe Torre and Brian Cashman.

Just when I’m feeling good about the Mets they run off 8 losses in a row and counting.

Every once in awhile someone does a piece that just captures your imagination.